Tag: non-attendance

My name is Fujiwara, a child psychologist working on truancy and withdrawal issues. I have worked with many truant and withdrawn children and their families. I am also an advisor involved in ToCo, Inc., a service that provides a pathway for re-entry to school by approaching the factors that cause prolonged non-attendance.

In this paper, we delve into the topic, “Is Truancy Cheating?” I would like to offer a new perspective and awareness to those who are struggling with non-attendance and those who feel that non-attendance is spoiled or unfair.

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CONTENTS.

• Chapter 1: Why Parents of Children Attending School Think Families Not Attending School Are “Cheating”
• Chapter 2: The Impact of a Society That Thinks Truancy is “Cheating” on Families Who Do Not Attend School
• Chapter 3: Is it “easy” to be out of school?
• Chapter 4: Truancy is a condition that can happen to anyone
• Chapter 5: A Society That Does Not Leave Truancy Unattended

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Chapter 1: Why Parents of Children Attending School Think Families Not Attending School Are “Cheating”

Have you ever heard people say, “It’s not fair to not go to school,” or “Not going to school is spoiled?” You may also have seen posts thrown around on social networking sites.
Parents of truant children may also have sensed such nuances somehow in the stares and attitudes of their school-going children’s parents, even if they have never been told so directly. What is behind this feeling of “cheating”? We will try to unravel it.

First, there is the underlying stereotype that it is natural for children to attend school. In Japan, going to school is obligatory, and the culture strongly encourages it throughout society. Therefore, the act of “going to school” is regarded as a virtue, and the efforts and perseverance of not only the children themselves but also their parents tend to be praised. In contrast, when children who are not attending school and their parents “do not go to school,” they tend to be regarded as “not making an effort. This assumption directly leads to the feeling of “cheating.

In particular, parents of school-going children manage to send their children to school while dealing with various stresses and conflicts in their daily lives. They may wake their children up in the busy morning hours and sometimes send them off to school while soothing and scolding their crying and resisting children. Because they make such an effort, they subconsciously feel that it is “unfair” when families with children who are not attending school do not seem to be making such efforts.

The peer pressure inherent in our society also contributes to these feelings. There is a deep-rooted atmosphere at school and at home that says, “Everyone is doing their best, so you should do your best, too. Within this pressure, some people feel a sense of injustice when a child who is not attending school and his or her family are seen as a “special exception. The feeling of “cheating” is the flip side of this peer pressure.

However, it is important to note that this feeling of “cheating” is often based on misunderstanding or prejudice. The condition of being out of school is never “easy,” and the parents in the home are also making a great deal of effort in other ways.

Chapter 2: The Impact of a Society That Thinks Truancy is “Cheating” on Families Who Do Not Attend School

Consider how feelings of “cheating” and prejudice can affect unschooling families. The gaze of society as a whole places a variety of pressures on truant children and their families.

First, truant families are subject to unspoken pressure from those around them not to show signs of enjoyment. For example, they are sometimes made to feel as if it is a “sin” to go on family trips or enjoy leisure activities outside while they are out of school. Parents and children alike are looked upon as if they are taking it easy because they are not in school, or that they should not be playing. This often forces the entire family to live a life of guilt, rather than enjoy it.

As a result of this pressure, families who are not attending school gradually become isolated and tend to stay inside the home. Parents themselves may become so concerned about the eyes of those around them that they avoid socializing with other parents and lose their connection to society. In many cases, this also affects the children, reducing their opportunities to go out and interact with others and leading to long-term withdrawal.

Furthermore, it is not only the negative stares from society that the child feels under these circumstances. They may feel that they are a “bad person” or that their presence is a nuisance, and they lose their motivation to return to school. For children who have been absent from school for a long time because of the pressure and isolation they have felt in school, these pressures from society as a whole can be even more devastating. A child who might have only missed a few days of school can be stuck in a room for years because of society’s condemnation.

Thus, the societal gaze of “cheating” is a factor that can mentally push a truant child and his/her family into a corner, resulting in prolonged absence from school. What is needed here is not an evaluation based on prejudice or misunderstanding, but a perspective that understands and supports the background of truancy and the current situation of the family.

Chapter 3: Is it “easy” to be out of school?

Many people have an image of truant children and their families as “having it easy”. However, is the reality of truancy really “easy”? In this chapter, we will delve into the realities faced by families who do not attend school.

At first glance, truancy may seem like “freedom from school”. However, there is a great deal of conflict and pressure hidden behind the scenes. One of the biggest problems that truant children face is guilt. The feeling of blaming oneself for not being able to go to school, the fear of being a nuisance to friends and teachers, and the feeling of feeling sorry for one’s family can eat away at the child, weighing heavily on the child. In some cases, the child may even feel that it would be better if he or she did not exist. For children in this situation, not attending school is not “easy” at all.

In addition, the parents of families with children who are not attending school are also under a great deal of strain. Many parents suffer from the anxiety of “Why only my child?” and self-criticism, wondering if they have done something wrong in raising their child. In addition, the mental stress of continually fighting against the pressure from those around them to “send them to school” is immeasurable. When it is difficult to obtain support from the school or government, parents often become exhausted, as they have to take on the entire burden.

Another reason why children who are not attending school are often thought to be “taking it easy” is because of their superficial appearance. Some people may see them playing games or using smartphones at home and think that they are just doing what they like to do. However, behind these behaviors, there is often a psychology of escaping reality and self-preservation at work. For example, in some cases, by playing games at a time when they feel pressured to go to school, they are trying to temporarily forget their anxiety. They may also be trying to avoid getting hurt by cutting off their connection to the outside world.

Furthermore, misconceptions and prejudices from society amplify the suffering of families who are not attending school. Being seen as “lazy” makes it easier for both parents and children to isolate themselves. As a result, support is not available and the problem becomes more complicated. Under these circumstances, children who are not attending school rarely feel “at ease. Rather, they are fighting deep conflicts in their hearts.

The key here is to properly understand the reality of non-attendance and to acknowledge the suffering and effort behind it. Even if a child feels “at ease” at times, this is only temporary, and there are many underlying problems hidden underneath. Trying to understand the state of non-attendance is the first step toward helping children.

And whatever the circumstances of a truant child or family, it is not a reason to throw stones at those around them.

Chapter 4: Truancy is a condition that can happen to anyone

Truancy is not something special that only some children experience. It is a situation that can occur in any family, and it is very important to recognize this.

For example, many families may think that their children are not involved in truancy because “my child has a cheerful personality” or “we have a good family relationship. In reality, however, in many cases, many children who are truant from school used to adjust to school life without problems. Bullying at school, problems with friends, friction with teachers, or even minor changes at home can all trigger truancy. These problems can occur in any family.

Recent changes in the educational environment and social changes have also contributed to the increase in truancy. Excessive academic competition, increasingly complex human relationships through social networking services, and even changes in the living environment due to the Corona disaster have made the situation surrounding children increasingly difficult. Under these circumstances, truancy is no longer something that happens to “special children,” but rather a condition that can happen to anyone.

Furthermore, the risk of truancy varies depending on children’s personalities and characteristics. For example, children who tend to be perfectionists are more likely to feel that they are “useless” for even the slightest mistake, increasing their risk of truancy. Children who are highly sensitive to the words and attitudes of others may be deeply hurt by even minor incidents, which may lead to truancy.

Thus, truancy is not a unique problem. And recognizing this can be a great relief to parents with truant children. Knowing that “your child is not the only one who is special” may alleviate some of the feelings of loneliness and guilt. In addition, as this awareness spreads, social prejudice against truancy may gradually dissipate.

Truancy is a condition that can happen to anyone, and there are a variety of factors involved. It is important for parents to be prepared to reduce prejudice against truancy as a problem that can occur in any family, and to abandon the assumption that it is “just for my child.

Chapter 5: A Society That Does Not Leave Truancy Unattended

So far, we have discussed society’s prejudices surrounding truancy and its reality. So, how should society as a whole deal with the problem of non-attendance?

First of all, it is important not to treat truant children and their families as a “tumor. Truancy is an issue that should be supported by society as a whole, and is not a problem that should be solved only by specific families or individuals. Nevertheless, families who are not attending school are often seen as somewhat special. This treatment isolates parents and children and contributes to prolonged truancy.

It is also dangerous to think of truancy as something that “time will fix. Certainly, the situation may improve with the passage of time, but if nothing is done, there is an increased risk that the child will become withdrawn or that the mental problems will become more serious. Therefore, it is important for parents to not only “watch over” but also continue to be involved with their children, even if only gradually. Using specialized agencies and support services is another option.

It is also important to spread awareness throughout society that “going back to school” is not the only goal. There are many other places besides school where children can grow, learn, and regain confidence. Starting over from school should proceed at a pace that suits each individual.

Finally, I would like to tell parents that you do not have to go it alone. The problem of truancy is not something that can be solved at home alone. It is important to move forward one step at a time, utilizing a variety of resources, including schools, specialists, and support services.

In order to realize a society where truancy is not left unattended, each of us must put aside our prejudices and extend a helping hand of understanding and support. We will continue our activities so that society can be transformed into one in which children who are not attending school and their families are not isolated and have hope for the future.

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About us

We at ToCo provide a service that helps students to re-enter school in an average of 15 days. Based on our representative’s own experience, we launched this service in order to solve the difficulties that families struggling with truancy face in dealing with the problem and the tendency for school attendance to become intermittent.
Some of you may also be puzzled by the recent truancy services that charge hundreds of thousands of yen. Our service continues to offer the lowest price in the industry, while demonstrating through our track record that cost and effectiveness are not proportional. Please take a look at our service details.

My name is Fujiwara and I am a child psychologist working on the issue of truancy and withdrawal. I am currently an advisor to ToCo Ltd, where I focus on the factors that cause continued truancy and help children to return to school again. Today, I will talk about the last risk, hypersensitivity to surroundings (HSP), from the ‘four risks you need to know about to prevent truancy’.

Hypersensitivity to surroundings, the so-called Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait, is one of the most common trends seen in many children today. Children with this trait are sensitive to stimuli, and minor incidents, especially in school life, can put a strong strain on their minds. This often manifests itself in the form of non-attendance or resistance to attending school. In this article, we will explore this risk in depth and consider specific ways to prevent truancy.

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CONTENTS.

• Background and characteristics of hypersensitivity to surroundings (HSP)
  • What is HSP?
  • Why HSP traits lead to truancy
• Relationship between sensory sensitivity and avoidance behavior
  • Sensory sensitivity and its effects
  • Enhanced evasive action
• How to create the right home environment for an HSP child
  • creating an environment that is close to the child’s senses
  • voice respecting the emotions specific to HSPs
  • familiarize them with stimuli through fun experiences
• Working with Schools to Support HSP Children
  • 1. information sharing with schools
  • 2. school-wide support system
• Finally: leaning on HSP characteristics
  • Related Articles

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Background and characteristics of hypersensitivity to surroundings (HSP)

What is HSP?

HSP is a concept proposed by psychologist Elaine Aaron, Ph. It is not a disease or disorder, but an innate trait, and it is estimated that 15-20% of the population has HSP characteristics, with a certain number of children also having the trait.

Children with HSP characteristics often exhibit the following traits:

• Hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli such as ambient sound, light, smell, and temperature.
• Strongly influenced by the emotions, words, and facial expressions of others.
• Easily anxious or fearful of new environments or sudden changes.
• Easily aware of details, which can be a burden.

Children with these characteristics may experience especially great stress in school, a place of diverse stimuli. Therefore, understanding the characteristics of HSPs and providing appropriate support is very important to prevent truancy.

Why HSP traits lead to truancy

For children with HSP characteristics, school life can be a demanding environment. For example, situations may include the following

• Stress due to sensory overload
  There are many different sensory stimuli at school, such as the dusty smell of the mats used in physical education class, the metal smell of the iron bars, the buzzing of the classroom, and the brightness of the fluorescent lights. These can cause very strong discomfort and stress for HSP children.
• Excessive burden of relationships
  Sensitive to the expressions and words of others, HSP children can be deeply hurt by minor arguments with friends or remarks from teachers. They may also experience excessive tension and pressure in classroom relationships.
• Anxiety about new environment
  Whenever there is a grade change or a class change, the burden of adjusting to the new environment is very high; HSP children have a high hurdle of “getting used to it,” and this can lead to school absenteeism or non-attendance.

Relationship between sensory sensitivity and avoidance behavior

Sensory sensitivity and its effects

Sensory sensitivity is a common challenge for children with HSP characteristics. Specifically, the following senses are often problematic

• Sounds: the buzzing in the classroom, the chimes at the start of class, the sound of a pistol at an athletic event, etc.
• Smells: the smell of school lunches, tools used in the school yard, and shoes in the gymnasium.
• Tactile sensations: the feel of the tags on the school uniform and the tools used in physical education class.

If these sensory stimuli are too strong, the child will unconsciously avoid the place. At first, the child may only feel “I don’t like it,” but if this continues, the feeling will change to “I don’t want to go there,” and eventually to “I can’t go there.

Enhanced evasive action

The desire to escape unpleasant situations is a natural human response. However, when this avoidance behavior becomes habitual, it can manifest itself in the form of nonattendance. For example, here is how it goes

1. He missed PE class because of the smell of the iron bars, which he didn’t like.
2. When she misses P.E. class, she becomes concerned about the way her classmates look at her.
3. They feel uncomfortable not only in P.E. class but also in the classroom as a whole.
4. Eventually, they begin to avoid the entire school, leading to truancy.

Thus, the chain of sensory sensitivity and avoidance behavior increases the risk of nonattendance.

How to create the right home environment for an HSP child

For children with HSP characteristics, it is of utmost importance that the home be a “place of emotional stability. If the stimulation and stress of school life can be appropriately alleviated at home, it will help prevent truancy and school dropout.

creating an environment that is close to the child’s senses

Children with HSP are sensitive to stimuli around them and need to have an environment that is comfortable for them. The following measures can be adopted at home.

• Ensuring quiet space
  If your child is easily stimulated, it is important to provide a quiet, safe space in his or her room or a corner of the living room. Eliminate extraneous sound and light and create a place where they can relax at their own pace.
• Items made of soft materials and comfortable to the touch
  Children with sensory sensitivities may feel stressed by uncomfortable clothing or bedding. It is important to choose materials that the child feels comfortable in.
• Reviewing household smells
  Smells in the home can also affect children. Strongly scented fabric softeners and air fresheners can cause stress, so care should be taken to use fragrance-free products whenever possible.

voice respecting the emotions specific to HSPs

Children with HSP are sensitive to even the casual comments of their parents. Therefore, care must be taken in the way you speak to them and talk to them at home.

• Be aware of positive language
  When your child makes a mistake or is faced with something he/she has difficulty with, say something positive such as “Why can’t you do it? instead of “Why can’t you do it?” Use positive words such as “It’s great that you tried” or “Next time, let’s try a little bit.
• Verbal acceptance of children’s emotions
  Children with HSP may not be able to handle their emotions well on their own. For example, when a child says, “I’m tired of everyone talking so loud at school,” you can say, “I see that you did. It is tiring, isn’t it?” By replying with words of sympathy, the child can feel relieved.
• Don’t worry too much.
  HSP children are also sensitive to their parents’ emotions. If the mother shows anxious expressions or words, they may sense this and become even more anxious. Worry is natural, but be careful not to communicate it too directly to the child.

familiarize them with stimuli through fun experiences

For HSP children, it is very difficult to get used to stimuli that they are uncomfortable with. However, if they can gradually become accustomed to them through “fun experiences,” this will help reduce the risk of non-attendance.

• Step-by-step exposure to situations you are not comfortable with
  For example, if a child has difficulty with the smell and feel of the bars used in gym class, we aim to help the child get used to them step by step, starting with a light touch on the bars, followed by a short period of hanging from them.
• Approaches that elicit interest
  Trying an approach that incorporates the child’s favorite character or hobby can also be effective. For example, even if a child has difficulty with the bars, using gloves with a favorite character on them may reduce resistance.
• Share positive results
  If they are even slightly exposed to a difficult situation, tell them, “Good job,” so that they will remember it as a successful experience. This will motivate them to try again next time.

Working with Schools to Support HSP Children

It is important to support the HSP child in cooperation with the school as well as the family.

1. information sharing with schools

By sharing information about the characteristics of HSP with the school, it will be easier for the school to make appropriate considerations for the child.

• Communicate the child’s characteristics
  It is important to tell your homeroom teacher or school counselor what specific stimuli you are sensitive to. For example, specific examples such as, “I have a hard time with the dust from the mats used in gym class,” will make it easier for the teacher to give consideration.
• Ask for flexibility.
  If your child is having difficulty in a particular subject or situation, ask for flexibility to allow him or her to observe a class temporarily or to participate in a different activity.

2. school-wide support system

Support for children with HSP characteristics is an issue that should be addressed by the entire school, not just the homeroom teacher.

• Increase understanding among faculty and staff
  Training and study sessions on HSPs and making sure that teachers and staff understand this trait will facilitate support throughout the school.
• Creating a secure environment
  It is important that the school as a whole promote efforts to create a safe environment for children, such as by controlling the volume and lighting in the classroom.

Finally: leaning on HSP characteristics

Children with HSP characteristics are indeed sensitive to stimuli around them, an aspect that puts them at risk for truancy. However, this sensitivity can also lead to “strengths” such as concern for others, artistic talent, and sensitive observation skills.

When mothers accept their children’s characteristics and recognize their strengths, they can help their children overcome school life with confidence. Please take a few steps today to prevent the risk of truancy.

Keywords	Essentials	Actions required
Hypersensitivity to surroundings (HSP)	Children with HSP tend to be more sensitive to sensory stimuli and relationships and are at increased risk for truancy.	Understand sensory sensitivities and create an environment that reduces the number of stimuli they are uncomfortable with. Provide gradual familiarization and successful experiences.
Effects of sensory sensitivity	Strong stimuli such as sound, light, and smell can cause children to avoid school.	Reduce the burden on the child by making efforts to reduce stimulation in the classroom environment and in school life.
Burden of relationships	Sensitive to the words and attitudes of others, HSP children can be deeply hurt by even minor problems.	Show empathy when trouble arises, accept the child’s feelings, and offer reassurance.
Enhanced evasive action	Avoidance behavior due to oversensitivity can easily become habitual and lead to nonattendance.	Expose them to situations they are uncomfortable with in stages, and gradually familiarize them with the situation to the extent that it is not unreasonable.
Information sharing with schools	Informing the school of the child’s HSP characteristics allows for detailed support.	Share with the homeroom teacher any stimuli or situations that the child is particularly uncomfortable with and ask for appropriate consideration.

Related Articles

4 Risk factors for truancy: (1) Insufficient Sleep
4 Risk factors for truancy: (2) frequent absences from school
4 Risk factors for truancy: (3) Siblings who are truant
4 Risk factors for truancy: (4) Hypersensitivity to surroundings (HSP)

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About us

We at ToCo provide a service that helps students to re-enter school in an average of 15 days. Based on our representative’s own experience, we launched this service in order to solve the difficulties that families struggling with truancy face in dealing with the problem and the tendency for school attendance to become intermittent.
Some of you may also be puzzled by the recent truancy services that charge hundreds of thousands of yen. Our service continues to offer the lowest price in the industry, while demonstrating through our track record that cost and effectiveness are not proportional. Please take a look at our service details.

My name is Fujiwara, a child psychologist who works with truancy and withdrawal issues. As an advisor to ToCo, Inc., I focus on the factors that cause continued truancy and help children to return to school again. Today, I would like to talk about the third risk among the “four risks you should know about to prevent truancy,” which is when a sibling is truant.

This subject is probably a particularly sensitive topic for parents who are struggling with truancy. Cases of cascading sibling truancy are not uncommon and are a common issue in many families. By delving deeper into this issue, I hope to bring some awareness and alleviate some of the anxiety.

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CONTENTS.

• The Phenomenon of “Sibling Linkage” of Truancy
• Parental Concerns Due to “Sibling Chain of Siblings
• Reasons for Cascading Sibling Truancy
  • 1. the influence of imitation and learning
  • 2. Influence of the Atmosphere in the Home
  • 3. Changes in Parental Responses
• The Importance of Looking at the Differences Between Siblings
• How to Deal with the Risk of Siblings’ Truancy
  • 1. Creating an Atmosphere at Home
  • 2. cooperation with the school
  • 3. care for the parents themselves
• The Power of the Family to Prevent the “Chain” of Truancy Risk
  • Related Articles

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The Phenomenon of “Sibling Linkage” of Truancy

The phenomenon of sibling cascading of truancy is widely known in school settings and psychological support settings. When one child is truant, the psychological effects of the atmosphere and environment within the family, and even the family as a whole, can spill over to other siblings.

For example, in some cases, living with an older brother or sister who is truant, the behavior of “not going to school” becomes familiar, and the younger brother or sister may also become truant by imitating the behavior. In such cases, the option of not attending school is unconsciously accepted as a “possibility” within the family, and as a result, a chain of events can easily occur between siblings.

Parental responses may also be affected. When an older child experiences truancy, parents may have the memory that the approaches they tried before did not work, and so when the next child starts truancy, they may feel that it is futile anyway, and their response in the initial stages may be weak. This is by no means negligence on the part of the parents; it is a natural psychological reaction based on past experience. However, this “weakened response” may result in a chain of truancy between siblings.

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Parental Concerns Due to “Sibling Chain of Siblings

When siblings are cascading truancy, many parents feel a sense of remorse. They feel that the way they raised their children as parents may have been wrong, or that the family environment may have been the cause of the problem, and these thoughts weigh heavily on their minds in their daily lives.

Furthermore, the stares and lack of understanding from those around them also push parents into a corner. School teachers and staff at counseling agencies may imply that there is a problem at home. or even heartbreaking words from relatives and neighbors. Under such circumstances, it is natural for parents to feel that “it is my fault” or “it is my fault that my child is like this.

On the other hand, in some cases, too much self-blame can, on the contrary, reduce the willingness to accept support. Parents may feel that they have already suffered enough, and they may even believe that they do not need to do anything further. This psychological dilemma can make the chain of truancy between siblings more serious.

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Reasons for Cascading Sibling Truancy

There are several possible reasons why sibling truancy cascades between siblings. Here we will explore the main reasons in more detail.

1. the influence of imitation and learning

Children tend to observe and unconsciously imitate the behaviors and attitudes of their family members in their daily lives. If they have an older brother or sister who is not attending school, the younger brother or sister will see the option of “not going to school” as a realistic one. This is not just mimetic behavior, but also leads to a shared value system in which it is acceptable to miss school.

The impact of this mimicry varies greatly, especially depending on how the truant child is treated in the home. If an older brother or sister who is truant is warmly accepted by the family, a younger brother or sister who sees this may feel that it is okay for them not to go to school as well. On the other hand, even if the older brother or sister is strongly reprimanded for not attending school, the behavior of “not going to school” itself stays in their minds and they may make the same choice when they feel stressed or anxious.

2. Influence of the Atmosphere in the Home

In a family with an out-of-school child, the focus naturally turns to that child. Parents devote so much time and energy to that child that other siblings may feel psychologically alienated. This alienation can lead to feelings of jealousy and helplessness toward the truant brother or sister, which may ultimately cause them to choose the behavior of not going to school themselves.

In addition, the overall family atmosphere tends to be unstable in families with truant children. The stress and anxiety of the parents is transmitted within the family, which in turn affects other siblings, increasing the risk of a chain reaction of truancy.

3. Changes in Parental Responses

Parents who have experienced their older child’s truancy may respond differently to the next child. Because of past experiences, they may become overly cautious or, conversely, give up too quickly. This “change in response” may contribute to a chain of truancy between siblings.

For example, if the older child’s prolonged absence from school leads to a strong belief that “forcing him or her to attend school would be counterproductive,” the sibling may give up support early on when the next child starts truancy. On the other hand, there are also cases in which people feel so strongly that “truancy must be prevented at all costs” due to past experience that they put too much pressure on the child, which can have the opposite effect.

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The Importance of Looking at the Differences Between Siblings

In cases of cascading sibling truancy, it is especially important to look at the differences between individual children. Even though they may have grown up in the same home, brothers and sisters have different personalities, values, and experiences. Therefore, carefully looking at each individual’s situation and psychological background is the first step in providing support.

For example, when parents talk with school teachers or supporters, they may mention the topic, “My older child was like this, too. In such cases, supporters can respond more individually by being aware of the “differences between siblings. In such a case, the support person can respond more individually by being aware of the differences between siblings. What about this child? This is a way to understand the situation of each sibling.

How to Deal with the Risk of Siblings’ Truancy

To prevent the risk of siblings’ truancy from cascading to their siblings, a conscious approach is required in the home environment and in the parents’ handling of their children.The following section details specific ways that families, schools, and parents themselves can work on this issue.

1. Creating an Atmosphere at Home

As mentioned earlier, the atmosphere at home has a significant impact on the chain of truancy.Therefore, it is important to create an atmosphere that creates a “sense of security” at home.

• Attend to each child individually.
  When one sibling is out of school, parents tend to focus their attention on that child. This is inevitable, but if the other siblings feel that they are not being watched, psychological instability may arise.It is important to consciously confront other siblings as well and convey the message that “you are important, too.
  • Positive Communication
    When family conversations focus solely on topics such as “should I go to school or not,” all siblings may feel pressured. You need to make a conscious effort to increase positive communication by incorporating topics that are relaxing for all family members.
  • Keep family rules flexible.
    Even if you need to make special accommodations for a child who is not attending school, extreme changes in the overall family rules can be confusing to other siblings. Ideally, for example, rules that are shared by the entire family, such as chores, homework assignments, and meal times, should be kept as fair as possible.
• Be aware of the “division of roles” within the family.
  When there is a child who is not attending school, it is inevitable that time and energy will be focused on dealing with that child. However, there is a risk that other siblings may become psychologically isolated as a result. Therefore, it is important to be aware of the “division of roles” within the family.
  For example, the following responses are effective
  • Assign roles to siblings.
    If you have an older brother or sister who is not attending school, giving your younger brother or sister small household chores or family roles can help them feel that they are needed in the family. This provides psychological support to prevent a cycle of truancy.
    • Create an environment where everyone is valued equally.
      It is important to create an environment in the home where all children feel they are treated equally. Even if you need to make special accommodations for a child who is not attending school, be conscious of conveying the message to other siblings that you are important, too.
• Understand and respect the differences between siblings.
  When siblings are truant, it is easy for parents to focus only on the similarities. However, even if they engage in the same behavior of truancy, the reasons and psychological motivations behind it are usually different. Specifically, the following points should be noted
  • Explore the causes of anxiety and stress for each child.
    The reasons for an older brother’s absence from school and the reasons for a younger brother’s absence from school are not necessarily the same. By carefully delving into the anxiety and stress that each child is experiencing, more appropriate support can be provided.
    • Respect the pace of each individual.
      Even siblings have different personalities and paces. An approach that works for one child may have the opposite effect on another. Therefore, it is important to be flexible and not stereotypical.
• Cherish “success stories” of siblings.
  To prevent the risk of a cascade of truancy among siblings, it is important that children have success stories of “I can do it. In addition to focusing on the truant child, consciously create opportunities to provide success experiences for other siblings.
  • Provide support to develop areas of strength.
    For example, supporting a child’s interests in sports, the arts, or learning can help foster confidence.
  • Praise small successes.
    It is important to find successes, no matter how small, that give your child a sense of accomplishment and praise them.

2. cooperation with the school

In cases of a chain of sibling truancy, cooperation with the school is also important. The school’s understanding of the family’s situation and providing appropriate support can prevent the chain of events.

• Individualized support for each sibling
  It is important for schools to provide support tailored to each child, rather than lumping all siblings together. For example, it is necessary to carefully understand each child’s personality and needs without stereotyping, such as “this is how it was with my older child, so I will respond in the same way.
• Regular contact between homeroom teachers and parents
  Regular contact between the homeroom teacher and the parents will help the school understand the situation at home. This will also enable the school to provide more appropriate support.
• School-wide understanding and cooperation
  Truancy is an issue that should be addressed by the entire school, not just individual homeroom teachers. It is important to regularly hold training and study sessions to deepen understanding of non-attendance, and to establish a system in which the entire teaching staff can support children.

3. care for the parents themselves

In facing the risk of a chain of truancy between siblings, the parents themselves may become exhausted both mentally and physically. The mother’s own care is also an essential element for the stability of the entire family.

• Do not keep it to yourself
  The problem of truancy is a challenge that is difficult to solve alone. It is important to create an environment in which you can feel free to consult with a trusted supporter or consultation service.
• There is no need to be the “perfect parent.
  If parents feel that they have to “solve everything,” the atmosphere in the home may become rigid. It is also necessary to relax a little, taking the stance that “I am doing what I can do in my own way.
• Allow time for refreshment.
  It is also important for mothers to have time for themselves. Incorporating a hobby or relaxing activity, even if it is only for a short time, can help keep you feeling positive about coping at home.

The Power of the Family to Prevent the “Chain” of Truancy Risk

The key to preventing the “chain” of truancy between siblings is mutual support and flexibility within the family. Creating an environment where siblings are respected for their individuality and feel a sense of self-worth can greatly reduce the risk of truancy.

It is also important that parents not beat themselves up too much. Children’s futures can be changed by the small accumulation of today’s events. By taking the time to face the situation without rushing, we can break the chain of events and support our children in moving forward on their own paths.

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About us

We at ToCo provide a service that helps students to re-enter school in an average of 15 days. Based on our representative’s own experience, we launched this service in order to solve the difficulties that families struggling with truancy face in dealing with the problem and the tendency for school attendance to become intermittent.
Some of you may also be puzzled by the recent truancy services that charge hundreds of thousands of yen. Our service continues to offer the lowest price in the industry, while demonstrating through our track record that cost and effectiveness are not proportional. Please take a look at our service details.

My name is Fujiwara, a child psychologist who works on the issues of truancy and withdrawal from school. I am currently working as an advisor for ToCo, Inc. to help children return to school again by approaching the factors that cause continued truancy.

In this article, I will discuss in detail the second of the “four risks you should know about to prevent truancy”: “experiencing frequent absences from school”.

Rather than viewing truancy as a mere “event,” a calm understanding of the mental dynamics and environmental factors behind it will help prevent truancy from occurring.

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CONTENTS.

• Psychological impact of “past absences”
• Specific challenges once you have been out of school
• Specific measures that families and schools can take
• Conclusion.
  • Related Articles

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Psychological impact of “past absences”

When people are faced with a situation where they are the only one taking a long break, for whatever reason, they are more likely to feel anxious and lonely. This is true for adults as well, but for young children, the emotional impact of such experiences is immeasurable.

For example, even if the reason for a long absence from school is illness or injury, children are likely to feel that they have been cheated out of school and that they are no longer “normal” like other children. When they return to school, they are often overly concerned about the reactions of those around them. This sense of insecurity leads to the fear of “what if the situation happens again?

On the other hand, if the direct cause of truancy is relationship problems or maladjustment to school life, the option of “not going to school” may take stronger root in the mind. This option may have been an “emergency measure” for the individual at first, but once he or she feels that it has worked, he or she will easily choose the same path the next time around.

These psychological moves are not necessarily conscious for the child. Rather, they are unconscious, and in most cases, past experiences influence current behavior. Therefore, the risk of “having a history of past absences” is an important clue to understanding the inner tendencies of the child.

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Specific challenges once you have been out of school

One of the most frequently asked questions we receive is, “How will my extended absence affect my school life afterwards?” One of the most common questions we receive is, “How does an extended absence affect the rest of a child’s school life? In many cases, children regain confidence after successfully returning to school. It is important to note, however, that this does not completely “reset” the past truancy experience.

Children who have experienced truancy tend to readily consider the option of “not going to school” when faced with a difficult situation again. This is related to a psychological mechanism. When humans are stressed, they have a tendency to unconsciously repeat actions they have taken in the past. For example, people who relieve their anxiety by shouting are likely to do the same thing the next time. Similarly, children who have the option of “missing school” ingrained in their minds even once are more likely to take the same steps in subsequent years.

This tendency is especially noticeable when transitioning from elementary school to a new environment, such as middle school and then high school. Because of the need to adapt with each change in environment, past experiences of truancy can easily trigger anxiety that the next time may be the same. This is one of the reasons why children who have been away from school tend to stumble in new environments.

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Specific measures that families and schools can take

So how can you support a child with a “history of past absences”? Here are some specific steps that can be taken at home and at school.

1. at home

The first thing a mother should do is to create an environment in which the child feels “safe. For example, the following efforts are effective

Make it a habit to talk to your child in a positive manner.
Instead of threatening, “If you don’t go to school, you will be in trouble in the future,” it is important to convey a positive message such as, “Absenteeism is not a bad thing, but how you return is important.”

Discuss past absences
By taking the opportunity to reflect on why your child was absent in the past and how he or she felt at the time, you can think together about what to do the next time the same situation arises.

Communicate an attitude of not being afraid of failure.
It is also effective to convey the idea that “failure is part of growing up” so that the child does not excessively fear failure in school life.

2. response at the school

On the other hand, schools are also expected to take past absences into consideration.

Make a plan to support the return of the child to school.
For example, a flexible schedule could be established to allow children to gradually increase the number of days they attend school after a long absence.

Homeroom teacher support system
It is important for the homeroom teacher to have a firm grasp of the child’s past absences and home environment, and to actively follow up with the child upon his/her return.

Encourage classmates’ understanding
Educating surrounding students to foster an attitude of acceptance of the returning child is also essential in supporting the child’s return to school.

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Conclusion.

For a child at risk of “experiencing a high level of absenteeism,” the most important thing is a support system of cooperation between home and school. Truancy is not a bad thing, but efforts must be made to properly understand the experience and to make the most of it for the future. By providing an environment where families can be close to their children and allow them to move forward at their own pace with peace of mind, a path to overcoming the problem of truancy can be found.

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About us

We at ToCo provide a service that helps students to re-enter school in an average of 15 days. Based on our representative’s own experience, we launched this service in order to solve the difficulties that families struggling with truancy face in dealing with the problem and the tendency for school attendance to become intermittent.
Some of you may also be puzzled by the recent truancy services that charge hundreds of thousands of yen. Our service continues to offer the lowest price in the industry, while demonstrating through our track record that cost and effectiveness are not proportional. Please take a look at our service details.

My name is Fujiwara, and I am a child psychologist working on the issues of truancy and withdrawal from school. I am currently an advisor to ToCo, Inc. where I focus on the factors that cause continued truancy and help children to return to school again. Today, I would like to talk about the first of the “4 risks you should know about to prevent truancy,” the risk related to “inadequate sleep.

Insufficient sleep or poor sleep quality is a major factor in the risk of truancy. Sleep is essential to a child’s physical and mental development, and any imbalance can seriously affect academics, relationships, and most importantly, a child’s motivation and confidence. This paper will consider in detail the background of this risk and how to prevent it.

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CONTENTS.

• Relationship between sleep and truancy
  • • 1. The Importance of “Sleep” in Children
    • 2. the effects of inadequate sleep on truancy
  • Contemporary Issues Behind “Inadequate Sleep
    • 1. the impact of smartphones and video games on children
    • 2. Family Nocturnal Lifestyle and Disrupted Rhythms of Life
  • Specific Approaches to Prevent Inadequate Sleep
    • 1. create a sleeping environment
    • 2. encourage a regular rhythm of life
    • 3. help children learn the importance of sleep
• Finally.
  • Related Articles

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Relationship between sleep and truancy

1. The Importance of “Sleep” in Children

Sleep in childhood plays an even more important role than in adulthood. During sleep, the brain not only organizes stimuli received during the day and consolidates information into memory, but is also involved in the body’s growth and maintenance of immunity. Because growth hormones are actively secreted at night, children in elementary and junior high school can suffer both physical and mental health problems if they do not get enough sleep.

However, in many cases, today’s children are not getting “enough sleep. The reasons for this vary, but the main reasons are as follows

The impact of digital devices is particularly significant. When smartphones and tablets are used at night, blue light keeps the brain awake and prevents falling asleep. As a result, children are regularly staying up late, making it difficult for them to get up the next morning and attend school.

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2. the effects of inadequate sleep on truancy

Not getting enough sleep can have the following effects on children

Mood instability
Lack of sleep directly affects the part of the brain that controls emotions, making them more irritable and pessimistic. This may lead to more relationship problems in school.

Decreased concentration and memory
This can lead to poor academic performance and cause feelings of “not wanting to go to school.

Physical discomfort
Sleep deprivation decreases the immune system and makes the body more susceptible to physical illness. If this is repeated, a pattern of “I miss school because I feel sick” will form, leading to a decrease in motivation to attend school.

Disruption of daily rhythm
Once the rhythm of daily life is disrupted, it is difficult to restore it. If staying up late and turning the day and night around become a habit, getting up in the morning becomes painful, and the risk of truancy increases dramatically.

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Contemporary Issues Behind “Inadequate Sleep

1. the impact of smartphones and video games on children

Children today are surrounded by digital devices such as smartphones and video games. While not necessarily bad in and of themselves, they can cause sleep deprivation if not used properly and for the right amount of time. In particular, the following effects have been noted：

• Difficulty falling asleep due to nighttime use
  Blue light from smartphones and tablets suppresses the secretion of melatonin (a hormone that induces sleepiness) in the brain. As a result, the state of wakefulness continues until late at night, making it difficult to fall asleep naturally.
• Excited state due to overstimulation
  Action games and social networking sites can cause children’s brains to become agitated. As a result, an increasing number of children find it difficult to fall asleep even after going to bed.

2. Family Nocturnal Lifestyle and Disrupted Rhythms of Life

When the entire family leads a nighttime lifestyle, children may be dragged into that rhythm as well. For example, watching TV until late at night or seeing their parents stay up late can make “staying up late” the norm for children. In such an environment, it becomes difficult to maintain a regular rhythm of life.

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Specific Approaches to Prevent Inadequate Sleep

Given that inadequate sleep increases the risk of non-sleep, it is important to create a sleep environment and improve the rhythm of life in the home. Here are some specific approaches.

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1. create a sleeping environment

It is important to create an environment in which children can relax and sleep.

• Review the lighting in the bedroom.
  Switching to warm indirect lighting instead of fluorescent lighting before bedtime will help the brain relax.
• Limit use of digital devices
  It is effective to set a rule to refrain from using smartphones and tablets one hour before bedtime. It is also a good idea to set up a charging area in the living room and not allow children to bring their phones to their bedside.
• Provide comfortable bedding.
  Review the firmness and feel of mattresses and pillows, and select bedding that is appropriate for the child.

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2. encourage a regular rhythm of life

Establishing a regular rhythm in your life will naturally improve the quality of your sleep.

• Exposure to the morning sun.
  Exposure to sunlight after waking up resets the body clock and helps regulate the daily rhythm.
• Consistent meal timing.
  Eating a healthy breakfast will help your body switch to activity mode. Also, avoid eating late at night.
• Fix bedtime and wake-up time.
  It is important to ensure that sleeping hours do not differ greatly between weekdays and holidays.

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3. help children learn the importance of sleep

When children themselves understand the importance of sleep, they will be more motivated to proactively improve their lives. It is also effective to use scientific data to convey the benefits of adequate sleep, such as “getting enough sleep improves concentration” and “better grades.

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Finally.

The risk of “inadequate sleep” is one of those factors that tends to hide behind truancy, but actually has a very significant impact. By creating an environment in which children can get enough sleep and by reviewing their daily rhythm, the risk of truancy can be greatly reduced.

Sleep is the foundation for the body and mind. Mothers can help prevent truancy by reviewing their entire family’s lifestyle rhythm and creating an environment where children can rest in peace. Please start with a small step that you can take today.

Keywords	Key Points	Action Needed
Insufficient Sleep	Insufficient sleep causes mood and concentration problems and disruption of the rhythm of life, and is a major factor in non-attendance.	Improve the quality of sleep by limiting the use of digital devices, establishing a regular lifestyle rhythm, and exposing students to the morning sun.
Effects of Sleep Deprivation	Sleep deprivation negatively affects academic performance and relationships, and increases the risk of truancy.	Share regular sleep habits throughout the family and create an environment where children can get adequate rest.
Effects of Digital Devices	Nighttime smartphone use interferes with sleep and may lead to a day/night cycle.	Limit the amount of time spent using smartphones and tablets, and establish the habit of not using digital devices one hour before bedtime.
Making the family more night-oriented	When the entire family leads a nighttime lifestyle, children are more likely to be affected by it.	The entire family should try to lead a regular lifestyle, and parents can be good role models for sleep habits.
Improvement of sleep quality	In addition to time, sleep quality is also important. Without the right environment and rhythm, adequate rest cannot be achieved.	Create a good environment in the bedroom and provide a dark and quiet space. Pay attention to bedding and lighting to support comfortable sleep.

Related Articles

4 Risk factors for truancy: (1) Insufficient Sleep
4 Risk factors for truancy: (2) frequent absences from school
4 Risk factors for truancy: (3) Siblings who are truant
4 Risk factors for truancy: (4) Hypersensitivity to surroundings (HSP)

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About us

We at ToCo provide a service that helps students to re-enter school in an average of 15 days. Based on our representative’s own experience, we launched this service in order to solve the difficulties that families struggling with truancy face in dealing with the problem and the tendency for school attendance to become intermittent.
Some of you may also be puzzled by the recent truancy services that charge hundreds of thousands of yen. Our service continues to offer the lowest price in the industry, while demonstrating through our track record that cost and effectiveness are not proportional. Please take a look at our service details.

I am Fujiwara, a child psychologist, and as an advisor to ToCo, Inc. I am involved in the development of support programs to face the problem of truancy. In this article, we will take a deeper look at specific methods and points to keep in mind under the theme of “how to talk with a child who is truant. We hope that this article will help parents who are struggling with truancy to gain new perspectives and approaches and build a positive relationship with their children.

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CONTENTS.

• Chapter 1: The Significance and Foundation of Calling Out
  • Significance of the voice call
  • Attitude as a basis for voice communication
• Chapter 2: Understanding and accepting children’s emotions
  • Speaking to elicit emotions
    • [Sample conversation between parent and child].
• Chapter 3: Speaking up for self-affirmation
  • Specific voice to recognize efforts
    • [Sample conversation between parent and child].
• Chapter 4: Voices to Decompose Anxiety
  • A Framework for Deconstructing Anxiety
    • [Example of parent-child conversation: breaking down anxiety
• Chapter 5: Situational Approaches to Voice
  • 1. if you have a strong fear of school life
  • 2. when interpersonal problems are the cause
  • 3. When dependence on parents is strong
    • Example 1: When there is a strong fear of school life
    • Example 2: When interpersonal problems are the cause of the conversation between parent and child.
• Chapter 6: The Importance of Continued Calls to Action
  • Key Points for Continuous Calls to Action
    • Example of parent-child conversation 1: Don’t overlook small changes.
    • [Example of parent-child conversation 2: Avoid negative language.
• Chapter 7: Taking Care of the Parents Themselves is Also Important
  • • Why Parents Need Care
    • Influence on children of parents’ attitude of taking care of themselves.
• Conclusion: Calling out is the key to the future
  • Changes brought about by voice calls
  • As an opportunity for parents to grow themselves.

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Chapter 1: The Significance and Foundation of Calling Out

When faced with the problem of truancy, many parents are anxious and confused, not knowing how to treat their children. In many cases, they feel particularly afraid to even speak to their children, and wonder what they can say that will not hurt them, or how far they can go. However, talking to the child from the parent plays an important role in alleviating the child’s sense of loneliness and creating an opportunity to reconnect with the surroundings.

The act of talking to the child is not only a form of communication, but also an important action that helps the child feel close to and secure in his or her heart. Since truant children often cut off contact with the outside world and close their minds, the first step is for parents to proactively convey the message, “I’m looking out for you” and “I’m on your side.

However, when talking to them, words such as, “Let’s go to school,” “Why can’t you go?” and “Why can’t you go? may be a way to push the child into a corner. Therefore, it is essential to know how to talk to the child appropriately and to respect the child’s feelings.

Significance of the voice call

Calling out has a wide range of effects on children.

• Affirmation of self-existence: feeling that “parents care about you” can reaffirm the meaning of your existence.
• A sense of security: When one’s feelings are accepted without denial, anxiety and tension are reduced.
• Foundation for problem solving: The process of verbalizing one’s feelings helps to organize one’s concerns.

As these sensations build up, the child feels more comfortable talking with the parent and is more likely to open the door to his or her heart.

Attitude as a basis for voice communication

What is especially important when talking to a child is to have an attitude that is attuned to the child’s feelings. However, if empathy is shown in the wrong way, there is a risk that the child will become too dependent on the parent. Appropriate empathy is an attitude that understands the child’s feelings while at the same time supporting the next step. Specifically, keep the following in mind

1. Hear the child’s words all the way through: Do not interrupt, but make an effort to understand the whole story.
2. Don’t deny feelings: It is important to accept that whatever the child is feeling is a natural reaction.
3. Share a positive perspective: Be empathetic to the child’s feelings, but also offer words of hope that will help them to see the hope that lies within them.

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Chapter 2: Understanding and accepting children’s emotions

Children who are not attending school have various conflicts and anxieties in their minds. This not only manifests itself as a result of “not being able to go to school,” but also affects their small behaviors in their daily lives. However, it is difficult for them to precisely put these feelings into words themselves, and most of the time they are unable to communicate them well to their parents. As a result, misunderstandings and differences between parents and children may occur, further deepening the child’s sense of isolation.

In such situations, the first thing parents should do is to “deeply understand and accept the child’s feelings. In order to understand what the child is feeling and what is troubling him or her, it is necessary to continue the dialogue patiently and without haste. The important thing is not to judge what the child is feeling as “right” or “wrong,” but to show acceptance of the child as it is.

When the child feels that the parent “listens” and “does not blame him or herself,” the child will gradually open up.

Speaking to elicit emotions

Asking directly, “Why aren’t you going to school?” is likely to create pressure. Instead, use softer expressions such as the following

• “What are you concerned about? Let’s figure it out together.”
• “Let me know if you ever want to talk about school.”
• “How did you feel this morning?”

These words have the effect of making children feel that their parents are on their side.

[Sample conversation between parent and child].

Parent: "You seem to be having a hard time going to school lately. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?"
Child: "My stomach hurt."
Parent: "You had a stomachache. Did something bother you?
Child: "I was afraid I forgot to do my homework..."
Parent: "You were worried about your homework. Thanks for telling me."

In this way, by carefully listening to the feelings and accepting them without denial, the child’s anxiety can be gradually eliminated.

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Chapter 3: Speaking up for self-affirmation

Children who are not attending school often suffer from a sense of self-denial that they are not good enough and that no matter what they do, they cannot succeed. This sense of self-denial may be reinforced by experiences of failure in school or by unconscious pressure from parents or teachers. For example, in many cases, problems with friends or stumbling in studies trigger a feeling of “I am inferior to other children,” from which the child is unable to escape.

When self-esteem declines, the child believes that “there is no point in doing anything anyway,” and gradually loses the desire to try new things. As a parent, in order to break this negative spiral, you need to find your child’s small successes and efforts and recognize them concretely. In particular, for children who are not attending school, praising “small things done at home” is a big step toward regaining a sense of self-esteem.

Specific voice to recognize efforts

No matter how small the effort, it is important to affirm and praise it. Be sure to be specific and communicate growth and changes that the child may not have noticed.

• “You got up by yourself yesterday! That’s great.”
• “You look a little better today. I bet you worked hard on yourself.”
• “Thank you for letting me know how you feel. That means a lot.”

This specific acknowledgement of actions and feelings helps foster a positive attitude that “there is something I can do.

[Sample conversation between parent and child].

Parent: "You ate breakfast today, didn't you?"
Child: "Yes, but I didn't go to school..."
Parent: "You may not have been able to go to school, but eating breakfast is very important. That alone is a step forward.
Child: "Is that so...?"
Parent: "Yes, it is. It's okay to do a little bit every day, so let's work together.

When children are recognized by their parents for their specific efforts, they are more likely to gain confidence.

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Chapter 4: Voices to Decompose Anxiety

The anxieties that truant children face are not simple. Behind vague thoughts such as “I am afraid of school” or “I don’t want to see my friends” are intertwined with multiple smaller anxieties. For example, “The teacher might get mad at me,” “I feel like my friends don’t like me,” “What if I forget to do my homework,” etc. These specific fears often pile up and are felt as one big anxiety.

If these anxieties are left untreated, the child may feel that there is nothing he/she can do about it and may become even more confined. Therefore, it is important to “break down” the anxiety and separate it into specific elements. By clarifying each element and organizing with the child what he or she is afraid of and where to start, it is easier to find a path to a solution.

A Framework for Deconstructing Anxiety

The “sensing,” “thinking,” and “acting” framework can be helpful for parents and children in sorting through their anxiety. For example, proceed as follows

1. Sensation: “What makes you feel afraid?” (physical and mental reactions)
2. Thought: “What do you think about?” (specific images that come to mind)
3. Behavior: “What action are you taking at that moment?” (specific reactions and actions)

This will help to make the concerns more concrete and provide a solution.

[Example of parent-child conversation: breaking down anxiety

Parent: "You are afraid to go to school. What do you think is scary about it?"
Child: "I am afraid that the teacher will get angry with me.... I'm also afraid of what my friends will say to me.
Parent: "I see. Which do you find the most painful, being scolded by the teacher or being told off by your friends?
Child: "Well, maybe my friends..."
Parent: "You are worried about your friends. Let's start from there and think about it together.

This breakdown of the child’s anxiety allows for a specific response.

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Chapter 5: Situational Approaches to Voice

The causes and background of truancy vary greatly from child to child. Fear of school life, trouble with friends, stress at home, and many other factors are often intertwined. In addition, even with the same cause, each child feels and perceives things differently, so in order to respond appropriately, parents need to understand their child’s situation accurately and take a tailored approach.

For example, if a child has a strong fear of school life, it is necessary to talk to the child so that he or she can gradually face this fear, rather than trying to force the child to go to school. On the other hand, if the child is having problems with friendships, questions and encouragement that help the child sort through the experience can be effective. In this way, flexibility in responding to the situation is essential in supporting the child.

1. if you have a strong fear of school life

For children who have a strong fear of school, it is important to create opportunities for them to gradually confront their fears, rather than forcing them to overcome them.

• “I’d love it if you could tell me a little bit about your school.”
• “Shall we think together about what things frightened you?”

2. when interpersonal problems are the cause

If the relationship with friends or teachers is the cause of the truancy, we help the child to sort out his or her feelings while accepting the child’s emotions.

• ‘What’s going on with my friends?’ What kind of things are bothering you?”
• “Whenever you feel like talking, just let me know.”

3. When dependence on parents is strong

If excessive dependence on the parents is in the background, encourage the child to gradually become more independent.

• “How about you try something you can do yourself?”
• “Try a few things and let me know what you’ve done.”

Example 1: When there is a strong fear of school life

Parent: "How does it make you feel to be reminded of school?"
Child: "Um...I feel scared and I don't like it."
Parent: "You feel scared. What do you think is the scariest part?"
Child: "I am afraid of the teacher getting angry.... I'm also afraid of what everyone will say..." 
Parent: "You are worried about the teacher and what people might say. Do you want to think together about what we can do to make you feel a little safer?
Child: "...yes, I'll think about it."
Parent: "Thank you. I would be happy if you could talk to me about anything, little by little.

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Example 2: When interpersonal problems are the cause of the conversation between parent and child.

Parent: "Has anything been bothering you at school lately?"
Child: "I feel like I'm not getting along with my friends..."
Parent: "I see, you are worried about your friends. Can you tell me what's going on with them, if you can?"
Child: "Well... I had a fight with XXX and we made up, but it was awkward..."
Parent: "I see you had a fight with XXX. It's great that you were able to make up, but it still feels awkward.
Child: "Yeah... I don't know what to do..." Parent: "You don't have to force yourself to solve it.
Parent: "You don't have to force yourself to solve it. But it might be a good idea to try to tell them how you feel a little bit at a time. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

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Chapter 6: The Importance of Continued Calls to Action

Resolving truancy often takes time, and the situation does not change overnight. Therefore, it is important for parents to continuously talk to and support their children. Parents may feel impatient and frustrated, especially if the truancy is prolonged, but taking this out on the child may have the opposite effect.

Continuous vocal communication gives the child a sense of security that the parents are always looking out for him or her. In addition, through continuous talking to the child, the relationship of trust between parent and child will gradually deepen, and this will lay the foundation for the child to open up again.

Key Points for Continuous Calls to Action

1. Be consistent: Make a habit of saying something positive every day.
2. Don’t overlook small changes: It is important to recognize small efforts and changes in the child.
3. Avoid negative language: “Why can’t you do it?” instead of “What do you find difficult?” instead of “Why can’t you do it?

Example of parent-child conversation 1: Don’t overlook small changes.

Parent: "Lately, you've been getting up a little earlier in the morning."
Child: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can go to school..."
Parent: "Being able to go to school is important, but getting up early in the morning is great. I feel like I'm taking a step forward.
Child: "I don't know..."
Parent: "Yes, it is. It's okay to take little steps forward, so let's be happy together that you are making progress.

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[Example of parent-child conversation 2: Avoid negative language.

Parent: "What have you been doing today?"
Child: "Playing games..."
Parent: "I see, you enjoyed playing games. What kind of game was it?
Child: "A new one. It was a little difficult, but I could clear it!
Parent: "You were able to clear it even though it was difficult! Parent: "That's great. I'm sure that's because you concentrated and worked hard.
Child: "Yeah..."
Parent: "It would be great if you could use that concentration in other things. Let me know if there is something you want to try.

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Chapter 7: Taking Care of the Parents Themselves is Also Important

For parents who support a child who is not attending school, it can sometimes be a great mental and physical burden to spend their days dealing with their child’s situation and feelings. When parents themselves become exhausted, they may unknowingly become rigid in their approach to their children, and their impatience and frustration may be transmitted to their children. In order to deal with their children, it is important for parents themselves to first have a relaxed mind.

Why Parents Need Care

When parents are under stress, it can be difficult for them to calmly accept their child’s feelings and actions. As a result, the possibility arises that the child may feel “not understood” or “blamed. On the other hand, when parents have an attitude of taking care of themselves, the entire family will have a calmer atmosphere and the child will feel more at ease.

Influence on children of parents’ attitude of taking care of themselves.

Showing parents that they are taking care of themselves conveys the message to their children that it is okay to take care of themselves as well. When parents have an open mind, children will be able to relax and enjoy conversations and time with their parents.

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Conclusion: Calling out is the key to the future

The role of a parent supporting a child who is not attending school is to warm the child’s heart and build a bridge to reconnect with society. However, the process is not smooth and requires time and patience.

Changes brought about by voice calls

A parent’s voice resonates with a child’s heart, easing their sense of loneliness and helping them to believe in their own strength once again. Even if it is just a small step, the accumulation of these steps will become the foundation for a bright future for the child.

As an opportunity for parents to grow themselves.

The experience of not attending school can also be a valuable opportunity for parents themselves to deepen their bond with their children and promote personal growth. Both parents and children should take it easy and walk at their own pace, which will produce the best results in the long run.

In closing, we hope that the methods and ideas for talking to your child introduced in this article will be of some help to you. Please do not be in a hurry, but rather, be attentive to your children’s hearts and minds, and make the most of your daily dialogue with them. The accumulation of these efforts will be a big step forward.

chapters	pivot	Action Required
Significance and foundation of voice	Talking to them is the first step in building trust and resolving truancy. It has a role in alleviating feelings of isolation and increasing self-esteem.	Be attentive to the child’s feelings and accept them without denial. Continue to talk to the child in a positive manner while showing empathy. Keep a consistently positive attitude.
Emotional understanding and acceptance	Since children have difficulty verbalizing their feelings, it is important for parents to elicit and receive them appropriately. Expressions that do not put pressure on them are effective.	What is hard for you?” Use soft words to elicit feelings, such as “What is painful? Listen to the end of the conversation without interrupting, and affirm the child’s feelings. Be mindful of dialogue that gives a sense of security.
Increase self-esteem	Children tend to have a sense of self-doubt. By specifically acknowledging small efforts and actions, we can foster a positive mindset and sense of self-affirmation.	Be specific when praising efforts. Acknowledge small successes, such as “You got up in the morning. Focus on the process, not the results, and encourage positive change.
Decomposition of anxiety	Anxiety is not a large, vague mass, but is composed of multiple elements. Breaking this down makes it easier for the child to face it in a concrete way.	What part of you is afraid?” and break down the anxiety and make it concrete. Work on one thing at a time, utilizing the framework (sensation, thought, and action). Adapt to the child’s pace.
Situational Responses	The causes of truancy are different for each child. Fear of school life, interpersonal relationships, dependence on parents, etc. require a flexible response to each.	Observe the child’s situation and choose the appropriate voice. For example, if the child has a strong fear of school life, do not force him or her to do so; for interpersonal problems, support the child in carefully sorting out his or her feelings.
Continued outreach	Although the effects of vocal encouragement may not be immediate, continued efforts will provide emotional support to the child. Consistency and patience are important.	Make a habit of saying positive words every day. Acknowledge small changes without overlooking them, and try to speak to them in a positive manner. Avoid negative expressions, and follow the child’s pace.
Care for parents themselves	It is also important for parents to have a relaxed mind. If they push themselves too hard, it will affect how they treat their children, so they should make a habit of working on themselves.	Do not keep it to yourself, but consult with family members or professional organizations. Have hobbies and time to relax. Alleviate feelings of loneliness by interacting with other parents who share the same concerns.

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About us

We at ToCo provide a service that helps students to re-enter school in an average of 15 days. Based on our representative’s own experience, we launched this service in order to solve the difficulties that families struggling with truancy face in dealing with the problem and the tendency for school attendance to become intermittent.
Some of you may also be puzzled by the recent truancy services that charge hundreds of thousands of yen. Our service continues to offer the lowest price in the industry, while demonstrating through our track record that cost and effectiveness are not proportional. Please take a look at our service details.